2 Samuel.
2.
Bumbye, afta David pau cry fo Saul an Jonathan, David aks Da One In Charge, “Time awready fo me an my guys move house ova dea to one a da Judah ohana towns, o wat?” Da One In Charge tell um, “Shoots.” David aks, “Wat town, aah?” Da One In Charge tell, “Hebron.” 
So David go ova dea wit his two wifes, Ahinoam from Jezreel an Abigail, Nabal da Carmel guy widow. 
David take da guys dat stay wit him, an dea wifes an kids, an dey move house inside Hebron an da towns aroun dea. 
Den da guys from Judah come dea. Dey put oil on top David head fo show dey pick him fo come da new king ova da Judah ohana. Dey tell David, “Was da guys from Jabesh-Gilead, dat wen bury Saul, you know.” 
So David sen messenja guys ova dea Jabesh-Gilead town fo tell da Jabesh guys, “I like fo God do good tings fo you guys! Cuz wen you guys wen go bury Saul, yoa boss, you wen show you still stay tight wit him. 
Az why I like Da One In Charge stay tight wit you guys too now, an show you guys you can trus him. Me, I goin make good to you guys too cuz a wat you guys wen do fo Saul. 
From now, come strong. Be da kine peopo dat no sked notting. Yoa boss Saul, mahke awready. An one mo ting, I da one, da Judah ohana peopo wen pour oil on top me, fo show dey wen pick me fo come dea king.” 
Same time, Abner, Ner boy, da general fo Saul army, take Saul boy Ish-Boshet, an bring him Mahanaim side, da east side a da Jordan Riva. 
Abner make Ish-Boshet come da king fo Gilead, Asher, Jezreel, Efraim, Benjamin, an all da res a da Israel land. 
Ish-Boshet, Saul boy, stay forty year ol wen he come king fo da Israel peopo, an he stay king fo two year. Ony da Judah ohana peopo wen stay tight wit King David. 
Da time dat David stay da king inside Hebron fo da Judah ohana, was seven year an six month. 
One time, Abner, Ner boy, an da army guys fo Ish-Boshet, Saul boy, go outa Mahanaim an go Gibeon town. 
Same time, Joab, Zeruiah boy, an da army guys fo David go out too. Dey come by Abner dem by da Gibeon watta place. Abner dem sit down one side a da watta place, an Joab dem sit down da odda side. 
Den Abner tell Joab, “Eh, let some a yoa army guys go fight some a oua army guys fo us guys watch.” Joab tell, “Shoots!” 
So dey count twelve guys fo da Benjamin ohana an Ish-Boshet, Saul boy. Dey go da odda side a da watta place, an twelve guys fo David go by dem. 
Den all dem grab da head a da guy dey stay agains, an stab da odda guy in da side wit his knife, so all 24 a dem guys fall down mahke togedda. Az why dey call dat place inside Gibeon town “Dagga Field.” 
Den, da odda guys fo da two armies start fo fight real hard. David guys win ova Abner an da Israel guys. 
Get three guys dea wit David guys, Zeruiah three boys Joab, Abishai, an Asahel. Asahel can run real fas, jalike da kine deer dat live inside da boonies. 
He chase Abner, an no go da right side o da lef side wen he stay run. 
Abner look behind him, an aks, “Dat you, Asahel?” Asahel tell, “Az me.” 
Den Abner tell him, “Stop! No chase me awready! Go kill one a da young army guys, an take da tings he use fo fight.” But Asahel no like no chase Abner. 
One mo time Abner tell Asahel, “You betta not run no mo fo grab me! I no like wack you an kill you, cuz den I no can look yoa braddah Joab face!” 
But Asahel no like no chase Abner. So Abner poke da back side a his spear inside Asahel belly, an da spear come out his back. Asahel fall down an mahke right den an dea. An erybody dat come by da place wea Asahel wen fall down an mahke, dey all stop dea. 
But Joab an Abishai, dey still yet stay chasing Abner. Wen da sun stay go down, dey come by da Ammah hill wea can see Giah town, on da road dat go inside da Gibeon boonies. 
Den da Benjamin army guys, dey all come togedda fo back up Abner. Dey all stan togedda jalike one army on top anodda hill. 
Abner yell to Joab an tell, “We goin stay kill each odda wit swords foeva, o wat?! Fo shua, you know dat afta dis fighting pau, erybody goin stay hate each odda still yet. How long befo you goin tell yoa army guys fo no go chase dea braddahs da Israel guys no moa?!” 
Joab yell back to Abner, “Jalike I stay shua God stay alive, same ting I stay shua, dat if you neva tell wat you jus wen tell, all my army guys chase yoa guys till morning time. But cuz dey yoa braddahs, az good dat neva happen!” 
So Joab blow one sheep horn trumpet, an all da Judah army guys stop. Dey no chase da Israel guys o fight no moa. 
All nite Abner an his guys march thru da boonies nea da Jordan Riva. Dey go da odda side a da Jordan Riva, den go till noon time, an come Mahanaim. 
Den Joab go back from chase Abner dem. He bring all his army guys togedda. But Asahel, an nineteen odda guys from David army, stay missing. 
David army guys wen kill 360 guys from da Benjamin army an da guys dat wen stay wit Abner. 
Joab dem take Asahel an bury him inside his faddah tomb Betlehem side. Den Joab an his guys march all nite, an come Hebron town same time da sun come up. 
