2 Samuel.
16.
Wen David go down litto bit da odda side a da Olive Ridge, he see Ziba ova dea. He da land manager fo Mefiboshet. He stay wait fo meet David. He bring two donkeys wit pack saddle. Da donkeys stay carry two hundred roun kine breads, one hundred chunk block raisin candy press togedda, one hundred summa kine fruits, an one goat skin all sew up wit wine inside. 
King David aks Ziba, “How come you wen bring all dis stuffs?” Ziba tell, “Da donkeys stay fo you, da king, an yoa ohana fo ride on top. Da breads an fruits stay fo yoa army guys fo eat, an da wine fo help da peopo dat goin come all tired out wen you guys go inside da boonies.” 
Da king aks, “An Saul grankid, dat come from da guy dat was yoa boss, wea he stay?” Ziba tell um, “Dat one, he stay inside Jerusalem, cuz he tink, ‘Today, da Israel ohana goin give me back my granfaddah peopo fo me come king ova dem.’” 
Den da king tell Ziba, “From now, eryting dat Mefiboshet get stay yoas. Cuz I da king, an I give um to you.” Ziba tell, “I go down in front you, boss. I like be da kine guy dat you erytime like. Cuz you, my boss an king.” 
Wen King David come nea Bahurim town, get one guy from da Saul ohana, come outa da town. His name Shimei, Gera boy. Wen he stay come out, he yell fo God put kahuna on top da king fo hurt him. 
He throw stones at King David an all his leada guys, no matta all da army guys an spesho bodyguard guys stay all aroun David. 
Wen Shimei yell fo God put kahuna on top David, he tell, “Get outa hea! You one guy dat kill plenny peopo! Fo shua, you good fo notting! 
Now, Da One In Charge stay pay you back, cuz a all da Saul ohana guys you wen kill! You wen take ova his place fo come king! Awready Da One In Charge give yoa peopo to yoa boy Absalom fo come king ova dem! Cuz you wen kill plenny peopo, I like eryting come bad fo you!” 
Den Abishai Zeruiah boy tell da king, “How come dis buggah tell God put kahuna on top you, da king?! He not betta den one mahke dog! Let me go ova dea an cut off his head!” 
But da king tell, “Dis my kuleana! Dis not bout you guys, my nephews, Zeruiah boys. Who you fo tell um fo stop?! If he stay yell fo put kahuna on top me cuz Da One In Charge tell him fo do dat, den who can tell Da One In Charge, ‘How come you make lidis?!’” 
Den David tell Abishai, an all his leada guys, “You guys know my boy dat come from my blood an bones, he stay try fo kill me, aah? Dass way mo den dis Benjamin ohana guy like kill me, you know! Let um go an let um yell fo God put kahuna on top me David cuz Da One In Charge wen tell him fo do dat. 
Maybe Da One In Charge goin see dat I stay suffa plenny awready, an dat goin do good fo me, fo pay me back wit someting good afta dis guy put kahuna on top me today.” 
So David an his guys no bodda Shimei. Dey jus stay on top da road. 
An dass how da king an all da peopo wit him wen come by da place wea dey stay go. Dey stay wore out cuz dey walk real far. Den he res an eat ova dea. 
Same time, Absalom an all da Israel guys wit him come Jerusalem side. Ahitofel come wit him too. 
Den Hushai from da Ark peopo, da fren dat help David figga wat he gotta do befo time, he go by Absalom an tell him, “I like you, da king, live long time! Real long time!” 
So Absalom tell, “Wot? Dis how you show yoa fren dat you stay tight wit him? How come you no go wit yoa fren?” 
Hushai tell Absalom, “You no undastan! Da one I stay tight wit goin be da one Da One In Charge wen pick, an all dese peopo like um, an all da odda Israel guys like um too. Dass da one I goin stay wit an be his guy! 
An one mo ting: Who I goin work fo? I goin work fo you, David boy, jalike I wen work fo yoa faddah.” 
Den Absalom tell Ahitofel dem, “Kay den, you guys. Da way you guys see um, wat you tink da bestes ting fo do?” 
Ahitofel tell, “Firs ting, go make sex wit yoa faddah odda kine wifes, da ones he wen leave ova hea fo take kea da palace. Wen you make sex lidis, den dass goin show to all da Israel peopo dat you wen do someting real pilau agains yoa faddah. An erybody dat stay by you goin come mo strong cuz a dis.” 
Az why Absalom guys put up one tent fo him on top da flat roof a da palace. Den Absalom go inside fo make sex dea wit his faddah odda wifes wea all da Israel peopo can see wea he go. 
(Befo time, weneva somebody aks Ahitofel wat fo do, wateva Ahitofel tell um stay good. Dass jalike fo aks God wat fo do! Az how David, an Absalom too, tink bout wateva Ahitofel wen tell um fo do.) 
