2 Samuel.
17.
Den get one mo ting Ahitofel tell Absalom: “I like pick 12,000 guys, an go out tonite fo chase David. 
Wen I catch up wit him, he goin come real tired an bum out. I like make um come real sked so he run away. Den all da army guys wit him goin run away too. But I goin ony kill da king. 
Wen I do dat, I goin bring all da peopo back yoa side, jalike da way all dem befo time wen go da odda side wit David, da guy you stay look fo now. Den nobody goin get hurt.” 
Absalom an all da older leadas fo da Israel peopo tink dis plan stay real good. 
Den Absalom tell, “Tell Hushai from da Ark peopo fo come fo us hear wat he goin tell too.” 
Wen Hushai come by him, Absalom tell, “Dis wat Ahitofel tell us fo do. Okay fo do wat he tell? If not, you tell us wat fo do.” 
Hushai tell, “Wat Ahitofel tell you fo do, dass not good dis time. 
You know yoa faddah an his guys, dey all know how fo fight real good, an dey plenny huhu awready! Dey goin ack jalike one wild bear wen somebody steal her bebes. An yoa faddah win plenny war awready, you know. He no goin go sleep by da odda army guys, nite time. 
Even now, he stay hide inside one a da caves, o anodda place he know. If he go attack yoa army guys firs, whoeva hear bout um goin tell, ‘Plenny peopo wen mahke from da army guys dat go wit Absalom!’ 
Den oua mos strong guys dat no sked notting, an get heart jalike one lion, even dey goin come weak cuz dey stay real sked. Cuz all da Israel peopo know dat yoa faddah know how fo fight real good, an all da guys wit him, stay strong an no sked notting. 
“So az why I tell you fo do dis: Bring togedda by you all da Israel guys, from Dan north side to Beer-Sheba south side. Dey mo plenny den get sand on top da beach, you know! Den you goin be da one dey go wit fo fight. 
An we go attack yoa faddah no matta wea he stay. Us guys, we goin go all ova him an his guys, jalike da dew go all ova da groun morning time. Az how we no goin leave him alive, o even one a all his guys! 
If he take all his guys togedda inside one town dat get strong wall, den all da Israel guys goin bring ropes to da town wall, an we goin drag down da town wall all da way to da stream. An layta, no mo nobody goin find even one small stone from dat town.” 
Absalom an all da Israel guys tell, “Wat Hushai da Ark guy tell us fo do, mo betta den wat Ahitofel tell us fo do.” (Cuz you know, Da One In Charge wen plan awready fo jam up wat Ahitofel tell fo do. He do dat fo Da One In Charge make bad kine stuff happen to Absalom.) 
Laytas, Hushai tell Zadok an Abiatar, da pries guys, “Ahitofel wen tell Absalom an da older leadas fo Israel, wat dey gotta do. But me, I wen tell um dey gotta do diffren kine. 
Now you guys, sen messenja guys real fas fo tell David, ‘No stay tonite nea da place wea can go da odda side a da riva fo go inside da boonies! Make shua you go da odda side a da riva right now! Cuz if you stay dis side, you da king an all da army guys goin mahke!’” 
Da prieses boys, Jonathan an Ahimaaz, awready stay by da Rogel Spring nea Jerusalem, cuz no good somebody see dem go inside da town. Weneva get message, one worka girl go dea fo tell dem an dey go tell King David. 
But one young guy see da two guys, an go tell Absalom. So da two guys go way real fas an go by da house a one guy inside Bahurim town. He get one puka fo watta inside his open lanai, an dey climb down inside dea. 
Dat guy wife take da cloth dey use fo cova da puka fo watta, an bring some wheat dey wen poun awready an put um on top da cloth. An nobody know wat she wen do. 
Wen Absalom guys come by da wahine inside da house, dey aks, “Ahimaaz an Jonathan, wea dey stay?” Da wahine tell um, “Dey go da odda side a da stream.” So da guys look fo dem ova dea, but dey no find nobody. So dey go back Jerusalem. 
Afta da two Absalom guys go way, da two odda guys climb outa da puka, an go tell King David, “Erybody! Go way from hea, quick! Go da odda side a da Jordan Riva right now! Ahitofel wen tell dem fo attack you guys awready!” 
So David an all da army guys wit him go out an go da odda side a da Jordan Riva. Wen da sun come up, nobody stay da west side a da riva. 
Wen Ahitofel find out dat Absalom no do wat Ahitofel wen tell um fo do, Ahitofel saddle his donkey an go his house inside his home town. He make eryting ready so da peopo dat live wit him know wat fo do. Den, he go hang himself! Az how he mahke. His peopo bury him inside da tomb wea dey wen bury his faddah befo time. 
Laytas, afta David go Mahanaim town, Absalom an all da Israel guys, dey go da odda side a da Jordan Riva too. 
Absalom wen pick his cousin Amasa fo stay in charge a his army, an he no pick Joab. Amasa faddah, one guy name Jeter. He one Israel guy. Amasa muddah, Abigail, Nahash girl an Zeruiah sistah, she Joab muddah. 
Da Israel guys an Absalom make camp inside da Gilead districk. 
Wen David come Mahanaim town, Shobi, Nahash boy from Rabbah, da town fo da Ammon peopo, an Makir, Ammiel boy from Lo-Debar, an Barzillai da guy from da Gilead peopo from Rogelim, 
dey bring plenny blanket, bowl, an clay pot. An dey bring wheat an barley, an flour, an wheat an barley dat dey wen toast, beans, an lentils, 
honey an sof cheese, sheeps, an cheese from da cow milk fo David an his army guys eat. Cuz dey tell, “Da army guys stay hungry an tired an thirsty, ova hea inside da boonies.” 
