2 Samuel.
14.
Joab, Zeruiah boy, he know fo shua dat inside, King David tink plenny bout Absalom. 
So Joab sen somebody Tekoa town fo bring one spesho wahine from dea dat know wat fo do erytime. Wen she come, he tell her, “Ack jalike you stay sad inside, aah?! Wear da kine clotheses fo wen you go one funeral, an no use perfume. Ack jalike one wahine dat stay sad inside an cry long time cuz somebody mahke. 
Den go by da king, an tell him dis.” An Joab tell her wat fo tell. 
Wen da wahine from Tekoa go talk to da king, she go down an put her face on top da groun fo show respeck fo him. She tell, “Help me, my king!” 
Da king aks her, “Wat stay bodda you?” She tell, “Fo shua, I one widow. My husban mahke. 
Me, yoa worka wahine, I get two boys. One time, dem two wen fight wit each odda in da country side, an nobody stay ova dea fo broke up da fight. One boy wack da odda boy an kill um. 
But you know wat? All da ohana stay agains me. Dey tell, ‘Give us da boy dat wen kill his braddah, fo us kill him fo pay back da life he wen take away from his braddah! Az how we goin wipe out da one dat suppose to get eryting da faddah wen leave, too.’ Dey goin kill da ony boy I get, jalike dey goin pio da las burning coal I get fo make fire tomorra! No goin get nobody inside dis world dat goin carry my mahke husban name!” 
King David tell da wahine, “Go home. I goin tell my peopo wat dey gotta do fo help you.” 
But da wahine from Tekoa tell da king, “My boss da king, if az wrong fo let go da killa guy, den let me get da blame, me an my faddah ohana. You an yoa ohana no mo da blame fo do dat.” 
Da king tell her, “No, if somebody talk any kine to you, bring um by me, an dey no goin bodda you one mo time!” 
She tell, “Den I like you, da king, make one strong promise in front yoa God, Da One In Charge, bout da guy from oua ohana dat suppose to pay back da one dat wen kill my odda boy fo da ohana, so he no can cut out dis boy blood line too. Cuz he like wipe out my ony boy.” David tell, “Jalike fo shua Da One In Charge stay alive, I stay shua yoa boy no goin lose even one hair!” 
Den da wahine tell, “Try let me tell you, my boss da king, one mo ting.” He tell, “Shoots! Tell me.” 
Da wahine tell, “If dass how you stay figga, den how come you make one plan fo do dis same kine bad ting agains da peopo dat get Da One In Charge fo dea God? Wen you wen tell dat you goin let go my boy, you show same time dat you do da wrong ting bout yoa boy. Cuz you da king, but you no even bring back yoa boy dat suppose to come king afta you, da one dat you wen put presha on fo him run away. 
Fo shua, all us peopo gotta mahke, an dass jalike wen watta spill on top da groun an nobody scoop um up one mo time. But wen peopo throw out somebody, God no goin kill da guy fo dat. He make one plan fo no make um stay too far away, an he bring um back fo shua. 
“An now I come hea fo tell you dis, my boss da king. Cuz da peopo make me stay sked bout my boy. I yoa worka wahine, an I figga, ‘I goin go talk to da king. Maybe he goin do wat I aks um fo do. 
Maybe you, da king, goin lissen an help me, yoa worka wahine. Den da guy no goin get da powa fo do notting, da one dat like cut me an my boy off from da stuff my husban suppose to get dat God wen give us.’ 
“An now, I yoa worka wahine, an dis wat I tink: ‘I like come so no mo notting bodda me now, cuz a da promise my boss da king wen make.’ Cuz you, jalike one angel messenja from God dat lissen an undastan wass good an wass bad. I like Da One In Charge, yoa God, stay wit you.” 
Den da king tell da wahine, “Kay den. I like aks you one question. An no hide notting from me!” Da wahine tell, “Fo shua, you can aks me, boss.” 
Da king aks her, “All dis dat you tell me, I figga was Joab wen tell you fo tell all dis, aah?” Da wahine tell, “My boss da king, jalike I shua you stay alive, I stay shua no mo nobody can hide notting from you dass diffren den wat you jus wen tell me. Yeah, was yoa army general guy, Joab, dat tell me fo do dis, an tell me all da tings I gotta tell. 
Yoa helpa guy Joab tell me fo make lidis fo change how you tink bout wass happening. You my boss, an you da one dat know wat fo do erytime, jalike one angel from God know wat fo do. You know eryting dat stay happen inside da land.” 
Den layta, da king tell Joab, “Okay. I goin do um. Go bring back da young guy Absalom!” 
Joab go down an put his face on top da groun fo show David respeck. An Joab aks Da One In Charge fo do good tings fo da king. Joab tell, “My boss, I yoa worka guy. Today I know fo shua you like lissen me cuz you do wat I wen aks you fo do.” 
So den, Joab go Geshur side an bring um back Jerusalem side. 
But da king tell, “Dat one gotta go his place, an no can come in front me!” Az why Absalom go his place, an no go in front da king. 
Inside all da Israel land, no mo nobody da peopo talk good bout mo den Absalom, cuz he stay real good looking. From da top a his head to da bottom a his feets, no mo notting wrong wit him. 
Erytime his hair come real heavy, he cut um. An weigh five poun, da way dey weigh stuff fo da king. 
Absalom get three boys an one girl. Dey name da girl Tamar, an she come one real good looking wahine. 
Absalom live fo two year inside Jerusalem. But he neva go in front da king. 
Den Absalom sen guys fo tell Joab come by him fo Absalom sen him fo go talk to da king. But Joab no like come by Absalom. Secon time Absalom sen guys, but Joab still yet no like come. 
Az how come Absalom tell his worka guys, “Look, Joab field stay nex to my field. He get barley stay growing dea. Go burn um!” So Absalom worka guys burn Joab field. 
Right den an dea, Joab go Absalom house, an aks him, “How come yoa worka guys wen burn my field?!” 
Absalom tell Joab, “You know wat?! I wen sen guys fo tell you, ‘Go come hea fo me sen you by da king fo aks how come I wen come ova hea from Geshur. Cuz mo betta fo me if I wen stay Geshur side!’ Now, I like go in front da king. If I get da blame fo someting, let um kill me!” 
So Joab go by da king, an tell him dat. Den da king sen guys fo bring Absalom to him. Absalom go down an put his face on top da groun in front da king fo show um respeck. An da king tell Absalom fo stan up, an he kiss him. 
