2 Samuel.
20.
An right dea Gilgal side, had one good fo notting buggah. His name Sheba, Bikri boy, from da Benjamin ohana. He go blow da sheep horn trumpet fo call da peopo togedda, an he yell, “Eh, you Israel guys! Go home! Oua land, not part a David land! Us no goin get notting from David, Jesse boy!” 
So all da guys from da Israel ohanas north side, dey bag from David an go wit Sheba, Bikri boy. But da Judah guys stay tight wit dea king, all da way from da Jordan Riva to Jerusalem. 
Wen David come back his palace inside Jerusalem, he take his ten odda kine wifes, da ones he wen leave fo take kea da palace, an he put dem inside anodda house wit guys fo guard dem. He take kea dem, but he no sleep wit dem no moa. Dey stay inside dea till dey mahke, jalike dey widows. 
Den da king tell Amasa, “Call da Judah army guys fo come togedda by me in da nex three days, an you come too.” 
But wen Amasa go fo call da Judah guys, he take mo time den da three days dat da king wen give um. 
David tell Abishai, “Dis time Sheba, Bikri boy, goin hurt us guys mo den Absalom wen hurt us. Take my guys an go chase um down. If you no catch um, he goin find big towns dat get one strong wall, an get away from us.” 
So Joab guys, wit da Keret an Pelet guard guys, an all da bestes guys fo fight, go out unda Abishai. Dey march out from Jerusalem fo chase afta Sheba, Bikri boy. 
Wen dey come by da big rock Gibeon side, same time Amasa come dea an meet dem. Joab, he dea too, wearing his army kine clotheses. He get one knife inside one holda bag on top his belt. Wen he walk up, da knife fall outa da holda bag. 
Joab tell Amasa, “Howzit, brah?” Den Joab take Amasa by da beard wit his right hand, an make jalike he goin kiss him. 
Amasa no watch out fo da knife inside Joab lef hand, an Joab stab him in da belly, an his guts come out on top da groun. Joab no stab him one mo time cuz Amasa almos mahke awready. Den Joab an his braddah Abishai go afta Sheba, Bikri boy. 
Den one a Joab guys stan by da side a Amasa, an tell, “Whoeva stay Joab an David side, let um go wit Joab!” 
Amasa lay dea in da middo a da road. He stay rolling aroun inside his blood. Da Joab guy see dat all da army guys make circle aroun Amasa wen dey come nea him. Wen da Joab guy see dat erybody dat come by Amasa stop fo look, he drag Amasa from da road to one field, an throw one cloth on top him. 
An cuz he move da body off da road, den all da guys go real fas wit Joab fo run afta Sheba, Bikri boy. 
Da buggah Sheba, he go thru all da Israel ohana lands to Abel town, dass Bet-Maakah, an thru all da Bikri ohana land. 
All da army guys dat stay wit Joab come to Abel, dass Bet-Maakah, an put army guys all aroun da town so Sheba an his guys no can come outside. Den da Joab guys dump dirt by da strong wall dat go aroun da town fo da Joab guys go up ova da wall. Wen dey poun agains da wall fo bring um down, 
den get one wahine from dat town dat know wat fo do erytime. She yell down from da town wall, “Eh lissen! You guys betta lissen! Try tell Joab come nea fo me talk to him!” 
So dey tell Joab, an he go by her. She tell, “Eh! You Joab?” He tell, “Az me.” She tell, “I yoa worka wahine. So you betta lissen wat I goin tell you!” He tell, “Kay den. I stay lissen.” 
She tell, “Long time befo time, peopo wen talk lidis: ‘Go aks da Abel town peopo wat fo do!’ An anybody dat lissen wat da Abel town peopo tell, den wat dey tell, dat goin take kea da whole ting. 
Me, I one a da Israel peopo dat get respeck fo da deal we all wen make fo no fight each odda, an fo be da kine peopo you can trus. But you, you stay trying fo kill all da peopo from dis town. Dis town stay jalike one muddah fo plenny small kine towns. So, how come you like wipe out da property dat Da One In Charge own, aah?!” 
Joab tell, “No way I goin make lidat! Not even! I no like eat up yoa town! I not goin wipe you guys out! 
Us guys no stay do how you tink! Fo real, get one buggah inside yoa town from up country Efraim. His name Sheba, Bikri boy. He stay make ready fo fight King David. Give us dat one guy, an I goin go way, an no goin do notting to dis town.” Da wahine tell Joab, “Kay den! We goin throw his head ova da wall fo you!” 
Den da wahine tell all da town peopo wat dey gotta do. Dey cut off Sheba head, an throw um outside by Joab. So Joab blow da sheep horn trumpet, an his guys go way from da town. All da army guys go back dea place. An Joab go back Jerusalem town by da king. 
Dass how Joab stay ova all da Israel army guys. Benaiah, Jehoiada boy, stay ova da bodyguard guys from Keret an Pelet. 
Adoniram stay ova da guys dat gotta work fo da king but dey no mo pay. Jehoshafat, Ahilud boy, stay in charge a da records. 
Sheva, da secretary. Zadok an Abiatar, da pries guys. 
An Ira from Jair, he David pries guy. 
