2 Samuel.
19.
Somebody tell Joab, “Da king stay cry an stay sad inside cuz a Absalom.” 
An so all da army guys, no matta dey wen win, dat time dey start fo stay sad inside too cuz dey hear, “Da king hurt plenny inside cuz a his boy.” 
Dat day da army guys ony sneak inside Mahanaim town cuz dey no like nobody see um. Dey stay shame cuz dey run away from da war. 
Da king put his hands fo cova his face an cry real loud, “Bummahs! My boy, Absalom! Bummahs! Absalom, my boy, my boy!” 
Den Joab go by da king inside da house wea he stay, an tell, “Eh! Wassup?! Today, you wen make all yoa army guys come shame! Dey jus now make shua you stay alive! Dass why you, an yoa boys an girls, an yoa wifes an odda kine wifes, all stay alive too. 
You get love fo da guys dat hate you, an hate da guys dat get love fo you! Today you wen show fo real kine dat fo you, yoa main leada guys an dea army guys dey notting to you! Jalike you no kea fo dem! Right now I stay shua da way you see um, mo betta if Absalom wen stay alive an all us odda guys stay mahke! 
So now, go outside an give yoa guys good kine words! I swea to God, Da One In Charge, dat if you no go outside, not even one a yoa guys goin stay wit you tonite. An dat goin be mo worse fo you. Mo worse den all da bad kine stuff dat wen happen to you, from da time you stay young till now.” 
Da king stan up, an go sit by da town gate. Wen somebody tell da army guys, “Eh! Da king stay sit by da gate!” den all army guys go in front him. Same time, da Israel army guys dat wen fight fo Absalom, dey bag an run home. Same time, da Israel army guys dat wen fight fo Absalom, dey bag an dey run home. 
All ova da Israel ohanas, all da peopo make argue wit each odda. Dey tell, “King David wen get us guys outa da powa a da peopo dat stay agains us. He da one wen get us guys outa da powa a da Filisha guys. But now, he gotta run away from oua country awready cuz a Absalom. 
But Absalom, da one us guys wen pour olive oil on top um fo make him come da king, he mahke awready in da war. So now, how come all you guys no talk notting fo bring back David fo be oua king one mo time?” 
Den King David, he sen messenjas to da pries guys Zadok an Abiatar. He tell: “Aks da older leadas fo da Judah ohana, ‘Eh, how come you guys da las ones fo bring me back, da king to his palace? You know, ova hea wea I stay, I hear wat all da Israel peopo stay tell each odda, you know. 
You guys, my braddahs, my blood an bones, aah?! So how come you guys da las ones fo bring back da king?’ 
An one mo ting: tell Amasa, ‘You, my blood an bones. I like God punish me plenny, if from right now till you mahke, mo betta you be da main leada guy fo my army. Cuz Joab not da main leada no moa!’” 
Wat David tell, change da mind a all da Judah peopo fo dem all tink da same way. Dey sen somebody fo tell da king, “Go come back, you an all yoa guys!” 
Wen King David stay come back, an he reach da Jordan Riva, da Judah guys go Gilgal fo meet him an bring him to da Jerusalem side a da Jordan Riva. 
Shimei, Gera boy from da Benjamin ohana, dat live Bahurim, he rush an go down to da riva wit da Judah guys fo meet King David. 
Wen Shimei go, one tousan Benjamin guys go wit him. An Ziba, da boss guy fo Saul ohana, wit his fifteen boys an twenny worka guys go real fas da Jordan Riva, befo da king come dea. 
Dey all cross ova da odda side a da riva wea da peopo go across, fo help da king ohana come back from ova dea an do wateva he like do. Wen Shimei, Gera boy, come back da Jerusalem side a da riva, he go down an put his face on top da groun in front da king. 
He tell, “Eh, my boss da king! No tink you gotta punish me, aah?! You da Boss! Try foget how me, yoa worka guy, wen do da wrong kine ting, da time you, my boss da king, wen go outa Jerusalem. I like you, da king, no tink mo bout um, aah? 
Cuz I yoa worka guy, an I awready know dat I wen do one bad kine ting. Still yet, today I da firs one hea from da Joseph kine ohanas dat live north side from da Judah ohana! I come hea fo meet you, my boss da king!” 
But Zeruiah boy Abishai tell da king, “Now stay good fo kill Shimei fo all dis, aah? Cuz he wen like put kahuna on top you, da one Da One In Charge wen pick!” 
But David tell Abishai, “Aah, you guys, Zeruiah my sistah boys! Erytime, you guys no tink same same wit me! Today you ack jalike da guys dat go agains me! You tink today one good time fo kill one Israel guy, o wat?! No way! You tink I donno dat today, I da one stay king ova all da Israel peopo fo real kine!” 
So da king make one strong promise to Shimei dat he no goin kill um. 
Mefiboshet, Saul grankid, he go down by da Jordan Riva fo give his aloha to da king. From da time da king wen go way till wen he come back safe, Mefiboshet neva take kea his feets o fix his mustache o wash his clotheses, jus fo show he stay sad inside. 
Laytas, wen Mefiboshet come Jerusalem fo meet da king, da king aks um, “How come you neva go wit me, Mefiboshet?” 
Mefiboshet tell, “My boss da king, I yoa worka guy, but I no can walk good! I wen tell, ‘I like get one saddle on my donkey, fo me ride on top um, an go wit da king!’ But my worka guy Ziba wen screw me up. 
Ziba talk bad bout me yoa worka guy, in front you, my boss da king. But you, you know eryting, jalike one angel from God, so go do wateva you like. 
Fo shua, good fo all my granfaddah ohana all mahke cuz a wat oua ohana wen do. But you, my boss da king, you wen let me be yoa worka guy an sit wit da peopo dat erytime stay eat by yoa table. So I no mo da right fo aks you, da king, fo notting mo den dat.” 
Da king tell him, “You no need tell moa. I tell you an Ziba fo half half da fields.” 
Mefiboshet tell da king, “Ziba can take eryting, cuz my boss da king come back okay.” 
Barzillai da Gilead guy come down too from Rogelim fo go da odda side a da Jordan Riva wit da king. Barzillai like give him aloha an den go home from dea. 
Barzillai, he real ol, eighty year! Cuz Barzillai get plenny kine stuffs, he wen take kea da king, all da time da king stay Mahanaim town, an he wen give da king wateva he like. 
Da king tell Barzillai, “Cross ova da riva wit me an stay by me inside Jerusalem. I goin take kea you.” 
But Barzillai tell da king, “I donno how plenny mo year I goin stay alive fo go Jerusalem wit you, da king, aah? 
I eighty year ol now, you know. I no can tell if someting stay good o bad. I no can taste wat I eat o drink. I no can hear da voices from da guys an wahines wen dey sing. How come I goin make mo work fo you, my boss da king, aah? 
I goin cross ova da Jordan Riva wit you fo litto bit. But how come you like pay me back, all dat you stay talking bout, jus fo me? 
Mo betta, let me go home, fo me mahke inside my town, nea wea my faddah an muddah stay bury. But you know wat? Take my boy Kimham fo come yoa worka guy. Let him go up da odda side wit you, my boss da king. You can do fo him wateva you tink az good.” 
Da king tell, “Shoots! Kimham goin go da odda side wit me, an I goin do fo him wateva you tink az good. An wateva you like from me, I goin do um fo you.” 
So dass how all da peopo go da Jerusalem side a da Jordan Riva. Da king go dea too. Da king kiss Barzillai, an tell God fo do good kine stuff fo him. Afta dat, Barzillai go back his place. 
Da king go da odda side an reach Gilgal town, an Kimham go wit him. All da army guys from Judah an half da army guys from Israel take da king da odda side. 
Pretty soon all da Israel guys dat wen go Gilgal stay come by da king fo aks him, “You oua king too, aah?! How come oua braddahs, da guys from Judah, cockaroach you from us guys, an bring you an yoa ohana dis side a da Jordan Riva, wit all yoa guys?” 
All dem guys from Judah tell guys from Israel, “I make lidat cuz da king come from oua ohana, az why. So how come you stay huhu bout dat? Us guys neva even eat da king food jalike you guys. Notting spesho come fo us guys lidat!” 
Den da Israel guys tell da Judah guys, “Us guys get ten ohanas in dis country, so we get ten times mo rights to da king den you guys get wit da one ohana. Az why David mo da king fo us den fo you guys. So, how come you make to us jalike us nobody? Fo shua, us guys was da firs one fo tell dat we gotta bring David back fo be oua king.” So dey stay make mo argue lidat. But da Judah guys wen talk even mo tough den da Israel guys. 
